Post by dcbake on Dec 28, 2005 23:38:45 GMT -5
--From George Carlin's When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops
My fellow countrymen, I speak to you as coequals, knowing you are deserving
of the honest truth. And let me warn you in advance, my subject matter
concerns a serious crisis caused by an event in my past history: the
execution-style killing of a security guard on a delivery truck. At that
particular point in time, I found myself in a deep depression, making mental
errors which seemed as though they might threaten my future plans. I am not
over-exaggerating. I needed a new beginning, so I decided to pay a social
visit to a personal friend with whom I share the same mutual objectives and
who is one of the most unique individuals I have ever personally met. The
end result was an unexpected surprise. When I reiterated again to her the
fact that I needed a fresh start, she said I was exactly right; and, as an
added plus, she came up with a final solution that was absolutely perfect.
Based on her past experience, she felt we needed to join together in a
common bond for a combined total of twenty-four hours a day, in order to
find some new initiatives. What a novel innovation! And, as an extra bonus,
she presented me with the free gift of a tuna fish. Right away I noticed an
immediate positive improvement. And although my recovery is not totally
complete, the sum total is I feel much better now knowing I am not uniquely
alone.
My fellow countrymen, I speak to you as coequals, knowing you are deserving
of the honest truth. And let me warn you in advance, my subject matter
concerns a serious crisis caused by an event in my past history: the
execution-style killing of a security guard on a delivery truck. At that
particular point in time, I found myself in a deep depression, making mental
errors which seemed as though they might threaten my future plans. I am not
over-exaggerating. I needed a new beginning, so I decided to pay a social
visit to a personal friend with whom I share the same mutual objectives and
who is one of the most unique individuals I have ever personally met. The
end result was an unexpected surprise. When I reiterated again to her the
fact that I needed a fresh start, she said I was exactly right; and, as an
added plus, she came up with a final solution that was absolutely perfect.
Based on her past experience, she felt we needed to join together in a
common bond for a combined total of twenty-four hours a day, in order to
find some new initiatives. What a novel innovation! And, as an extra bonus,
she presented me with the free gift of a tuna fish. Right away I noticed an
immediate positive improvement. And although my recovery is not totally
complete, the sum total is I feel much better now knowing I am not uniquely
alone.
